Rest Guilt Rehab: How to Stop Feeling Bad About Doing Nothing (and Why Your Body Will Thank You for It)

Grab a cuppa and get comfy, we’re going to have a proper chat.

If you’ve ever sat down for five minutes and immediately felt the urge to jump back up because “I should be doing something,” you don’t need fixing, just a cup of tea and a bit of breathing space. If the thought of lying on the sofa in the middle of the day makes you twitchy or slightly ashamed, you’re far from alone. And if “doing nothing” feels not just unproductive but almost wrong… well, you’re exactly who I wrote this for.

Most of us were never taught that rest isn’t a reward for working hard, it’s part of being human, it’s a biological necessity. And yet so many of us feel guilty, anxious, or downright panicked about it, as if slowing down is a personal failure.

I’m not talking from a pedestal here, this was me. I spent years working in a busy corporate job as head of finance, raising two young kids, keeping the house spotless, making dinner from scratch (that magical ingredient everyone on Instagram seems to be cooking with 🤣), throwing in a bit of baking for good measure, and then checking emails late into the night from the couch. That was my normal for years. It's not how I live now, but that old version of me shaped a lot of the beliefs I’ve had to unlearn about rest.

Why Rest Feels “Wrong” (Even When We Know It’s Not)

We know rest is good for us. We read about it lowering blood pressure, balancing hormones, calming the nervous system. But knowing something and feeling safe enough to do it are two very different things.

And that’s because rest guilt isn’t logical, it’s learned.

It’s stitched into us through years of conditioning. It’s whispered in the background through old sayings like:

            •          “The devil makes work for idle hands.”

            •          “Hard work never killed anyone.”

            •          “You can rest when you’re dead.”

            •          “If you want something done right, do it yourself.”

Those messages don’t vanish when we grow up. They shape how we value ourselves, how we measure a “good day,” and even how safe it feels to stop. Over time, they build an unspoken rule inside us: busy = good, still = bad.

And that belief doesn’t just live in your head, it lives in your body, too. If you’ve spent years racing from one thing to the next, your system has learned that pace as “normal.” That’s why sitting still can feel, well, far from relaxing and more like trying to slam the brakes on a speeding car.

Gold Stars, Conditioning & the Stories We Were Told

And a lot of this starts long before we know it. We're praised for being good, helpful, hardworking. We get gold stars for achievements, pats on the back for effort, and attention for what we do.

It quietly teaches us something powerful:

“I’m valued for what I do, not who I am.”

So we chase those gold stars into adulthood. We pile on responsibilities, say yes when we’re exhausted, and wear busyness like a badge of honour. And rest? Rest doesn’t get you gold stars, so it must be selfish, lazy, or a waste of time. Layer on “hustle culture” and productivity obsession, and no wonder stopping feels like failure.

The Sneaky Ways Rest Guilt Shows Up

 Rest guilt rarely walks in waving a red flag,  it creeps in quietly:

• Feeling like you haven’t “earned” rest unless you’ve been flat-out all day.

• Multitasking during downtime (“I’ll fold laundry while I watch TV…”).

• Jumping up the second you sit down because “I’ll just…” and 45 minutes later you’re still tidying.

• Filling every silence with your phone because quiet feels strange.

• Feeling anxious when plans are cancelled, not because you miss people, but because you don’t know how to just be.

I used to do all of it. The dishwasher would be stacked before the kettle even boiled. My “break” on the sofa always involved my phone. And if I stopped before 9pm, I felt like I’d forgotten something vital. It wasn’t about being organised, it was about not feeling safe to stop.

The Science Bit: Why Rest Feels So Uncomfortable

 Rest guilt isn’t just in your mind and body, it’s also in your chemistry.

If you’re constantly busy, your body is running on adrenaline and cortisol,  the stress hormones that keep you sharp and alert. They’re helpful when needed, but when they’re constantly flooding your system, your body starts to think that being busy = being safe.

Then there’s dopamine, the little reward chemical that fires every time you tick off a task, reply to an email, or scroll your phone. Drip, drip, drip. It’s a mini chemical gold star. Your brain learns to crave it.

Put them together and here’s what happens: when you finally stop, adrenaline and dopamine levels dip. Your body panics. “Something’s wrong!” it signals, racing heart, tight tummy, restless energy, all trying to drag you back in to motion, nothing is "wrong". It’s just withdrawal from the buzz of busyness.

And just to complicate things, that “go mode” might be burning you out, but it’s also familiar. And familiar feels safe, even when it isn’t. That’s why stopping can feel so wrong at first.

But your body can absolutely relearn. Just like it adapted to go mode, it can adapt to stillness too. It just needs practice, consistency, and small, gentle steps.

How to Start Shifting Rest Guilt (Without Turning Your Life Upside Down)

Knowing why rest guilt happens is only half the job. The real shift comes when we start retraining our body and brain to see rest as safe and valuable again.

And no, I’m not going to tell you to run off to a silent retreat for a month or meditate on a mountain top (unless that’s your thing, in which case, bring me with you 😜). What actually works is smaller and more doable: weaving tiny, powerful pauses into your real life. One kettle-boil, one cuppa, one breath at a time.

Step 1: Catch the Story You’re Telling Yourself

 Every time you try to stop, that little voice pipes up:

•     I haven’t done enough yet.

•     I’ll rest after I just finish this.

•      If I stop, everything will fall apart.

That voice isn’t truth, it’s conditioning. Next time guilt creeps in, ask yourself:

What story am I telling myself right now?

Is it actually true, or just an old script?

Noticing the story loosens its grip. Replace it with something like:

• Resting helps my body repair.

•  Pausing now means I’ll have more energy later.

12 Tools to Rewire Rest

 In-the-Moment Tools, When Stopping Feels Impossible

1.         7/10 Breath Inhale through your nose for 7 seconds, exhale as if blowing gently through a straw for 10. That long exhale tells your parasympathetic system it’s safe to power down. Try 5-10 rounds, but not when driving.

2.         Palming Reset Rub your hands warm, then cup them over your eyes. Darkness calms your optic nerve, lowering stress signals fast.

3.         Micro-Pauses Finish a task and don’t rush to the next. Sit. Breathe. Feel the weight of your body. Even 30 seconds builds rest tolerance.

4.         Grounding Touch Place a hand over your heart or press your feet into the floor. This physical signal tells your body you’re safe.

Daily Rhythm Tools,  For Weaving Rest Into Everyday Life

5.         Tea Ritual Drink one cup of tea with no phone and no multitasking. Just sip and breathe.

6.         Sensory Anchor Use one sense intentionally: lavender oil, cosy blanket, rain sounds. These signals teach your body to downshift.

7.         Two-Minute Reset After Work Before doing anything at home, sit or lie down for two minutes and focus on your breath.

8.         Sunlight Pause Step outside, breathe slowly for 2–3 minutes, and face the sun. It signals safety to your nervous system and supports healthy cortisol rhythms.

Deeper Reset Tools,  For Long-Term Nervous System Change

9.         Acupressure Mat Time 10–20 minutes a day releases endorphins and lowers stress chemistry. It’s how my resting heart rate dropped by almost 10 bpm (now 54 bpm, and I’m definitely not an athlete 🤣).

10.       Rhythmic Sound Gentle drumming or rain sounds stimulate the vagus nerve, helping you shift into “rest and digest.”

11.       Body Scan Practice Spend 10 minutes moving your awareness slowly from toes to head. It builds interoception and trust in stillness.

12.       Weekly “Do Nothing” Window Schedule 20 minutes where nothing is planned. No phone, no distractions. It will feel uncomfortable at first, that’s the point. Over time, it resets your baseline.

Expect It to Feel Weird (Because It Will)

 If you’re used to running on adrenaline, cortisol and dopamine, slowing down will feel uncomfortable at first, fidgety, restless, itchy. That’s not you failing. It’s chemistry. Stay with it. Two minutes. Then five. Each time you breathe through the urge to move, you’re teaching your body that calm isn’t danger, it’s just unfamiliar.

Redefine What Rest Actually Is

Rest isn’t “doing nothing.” It’s when your body repairs, balances hormones, consolidates memory, and builds resilience. It’s deeply productive, just behind the scenes. So think of rest as active recovery: lying on an acupressure mat, sitting in the sun, slow breathing, a quiet cuppa. That’s where healing happens.

Final Thought

 If rest feels hard, it’s not because you’re failing, it’s because your body and brain are doing exactly what they were trained to do. And training can change.

This isn’t about flipping a switch overnight. It’s about one pause, one breath, one tiny act of rest at a time. That’s how you rebuild trust in your body. That’s how rest stops being a “should” and becomes something you feel.

If any of this sounds familiar, what we’ve talked about here is just one small piece of what’s possible. When I work with clients, we zoom out and look at the whole picture, from how you breathe and how your posture might be keeping your body stuck in stress mode, to the subtle ways your nervous system tries to protect you (even when it feels like it’s working against you).

A lot of what I do in coaching begins with gentle breath and postural conditioning assessments, not to correct or criticise, but to listen to what the body's already saying. I pay attention to the small things, how someone breathes, how they sit, where they hold tension (without making it awkward, promise). Those little clues tell a story. From there, we work together on small real-life shifts that feel natural and kind, not forced.

Once you understand how your body’s wiring shapes how you feel, you can start shifting things in a way that sticks, not just for rest, but for your mood, sleep, focus, energy and so much more.

So if you’re curious about how that could look for you, book a call. We’ll have a proper chat, cuppa in hand, and map out the next steps together. No jargon. No pressure. Just real talk and support that meets you where you are.

Tamara x